Archive for the ‘squirrels’ Category

Two Haiku

September 16, 2011


Plants in proper rows
The belfry a chiming chant
Chipmunks dart and dash


About religion
Fear of death, and where you go?
Just get off the path

A Misty Hill

October 21, 2009

Not wanting to break the chain, I sit
In a stone circle, atop a misty hill.
Clouds hang low, bringing hushed tones
To verdant landscapes.
Gone are sunny summer days,
Replaced by red and auburn glints
Dappled across grey horizons.
Like steely legions marching to Gehenna,
Streaming wisps arc above and perform,
An aerial danse macabre.
As light begins to dim, a last promise
The ebb of day, tantalizes the spirit.
Alas, damp heavy air signals another fate
As soft breezes start to stir,
Through lush native grasses.
A black squirrel, a bold invader
Like a crusading knight in Holy Lands,
Collects warmth for newfound hearth.
Perched on a rock, at the edge of evening,
A regal raptor watches.
Not wanting to break the chain, I sit
In a stone circle, atop a misty hill.

Chestnut Tree

October 6, 2009

Light rippling through leaves
Spiky orbs drop, much for a
Squirrel’s amusement.

Weird (B)log

May 12, 2008

One of many odd logs you encounter washing up on the shores around here. This one, found near McKenzie Bight, in Gowlland Tod, is quite big. In places logs (blogs?) gather together in twisted arrangements, interconnecting and interweaving in unexpected ways. Like an orgy of giant swizzle sticks. Make mine a double.

Have, in fact, been fairly sober about things these days. Wouldn’t want to slip off a (b)log and fall in the ocean…

N.B. From weird log to weird blog.

Rocky the Robo-Squirrel?

May 5, 2008

Somehow, I wish this were a joke. Robot squirrels that help scientists at Hampshire College study the pesky rodents. Really? I mean, we’re supposed to believe the nefarious beasts with the oh-so-fluffy tails are actually fooled by this robotic ruse. Doubtful…

My suspicious side can’t help but wonder whether this is a carefully crafted plan to combat the squirrel conspiracy. A feeble attempt to thwart their fiendish quest for world domination.

I tell ya, the stuff that gets funded as scientific research. Amazing. Bullwinkle is probably turning over in his grave.

Squirrels Unite!

April 20, 2008

“The squirrel has a brain the size of an oversize pea. But research has shown that it demonstrates a quite extraordinary intelligence and memory capacity that may be endangering the future of mankind. It is all too easy to underestimate the capabilities of these animals. But we are facing the prospect of world domination if we do not become aware of the potential dangers confronting us.

Every year, a squirrel will store away about ten thousand nuts, and their very survival depends on their ability to find where they have hidden them. Their memory capacity is enormous, hiding each nut in a different place and then being able to find it again. A series of experiments in California attempted to research something of this intelligence. The first experiment placed a nut in the same position over a number of days, testing the squirrel’s spatial memory. The second experiment, however, was more complicated, changing the route to the nut so that the squirrel had alternate routes. And the squirrels demonstrated that they were not relying on merely retracing their steps. When the route changed, they could still find the nut at the end of it.

However, what is disturbing is that there would appear to be suspicious squirrel activities taking place in Europe. Squirrels seem to be behind much of society’s ills, controlling governments and eliminating anyone who stands in their path. Most frightening of all, while the prospect of a squirrel takeover is scary enough, it has been suggested that stoats, ferrets and hamsters may also be involved. Their role is as yet undefined, but the possibility of a major military attack cannot be ruled out.

While the whereabouts of the headquarters is unknown, possibilities have been narrowed down to one of the following areas: Red Square, Moscow; under the Eiffel Tower, Paris; in a Romanian sewer; Stoke-on-Trent, England. One can only live in hope that the true whereabouts will be discovered in the not too distant future.

As a warning: Offering squirrels food may lull them into a false sense of security, but it would seem that they are starting to see through this bluff and may attack viciously. It is not worth making oneself known personally to them. There comes a time in every civilization when humankind must unite and fight for the common good. It is to be sincerely hoped that this way we can prevent rodent domination.”

From Kate Tuckett, ed., Conspiracy Theories (New York: Berkley, 2004).


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