Archive for the ‘elves’ Category
I have my reservations about lists, but since it’s the holiday season, I’ve decided to forgo the righteous indignation and just do something silly. So, here it goes:
10. Those stupid pointy hats.
9. A poor commitment to the cause of the working man — the toymaker’s union local has been very slow in coming to the North Pole.
8. Due to recent increases in demand, the little bastards have started outsourcing to China.
7. They’re really crappy reindeer wranglers. The lead job has now been given to some mutant with a birth defect.
6. The high cost of buckle polish. It takes a mint to keep the little guys looking sharp.
5. Increasing incidences of inappropriate fraternizing with the reindeer. ‘Nuff said.
4. Inflated egos and distorted self-images brought on by the LOTR. Santa’s elves only wish they had anything on Elrond.
3. Corruption and pornography. Miss Claus found the amateur feature “Hot Buttered Elves” in the DVD player last Christmas eve and it traumatized her until spring.
2. Goldbricking and general loafing. There is no need for so many little shiny suited weirdos hanging around the machinery. Jams up the works.
1. They’re elves, man. Elves blow.
So, yeah, have a merry elf-free x-mas. You’re better off without them…