I once noted on this blog how depression can be a positive boon, a spur to creativity and a channel into what can been characterized as the “romantic mind”.
I’m not sure about this anymore. There have been times when I’ve used sadness and depression as a path; towards introspection, creativity, whatever. Sadly, I think as the process ebbs and flows in the mind there is an overall negative cumulative effect. One moves towards isolation, hopelessness, even nihilism. It’s like digging a hole — sometimes you strike gold in the process, managing to throw nuggets out into the world, but you yourself remain stuck in the hole. And as you dig, it gets deeper and deeper…
Most people seek help, turn to modern medicine. I was struck recently by how exceptional I am in this regard — when I noted my struggle to an old friend, she responded by saying I may have been the only adult man she knew who was not on some kind of prescription drug. Are we that medicated or, as Foucault would have it, “medicalized”? Has the plague of happiness at all cost spread that far? Perhaps…
Perhaps it’s also a reflection of my stubborn nature that I insist on not seeing anyone about my “problem” or not taking prescription drugs. Maybe it’s because of my background — as a historian of medicine I am skeptical of the modern craft, avoiding it when I can. Since I also study the history of psychiatry, the talking cure has limited allure too. Hoping social links are more organic and informal, it galls me that you would pay someone to listen to your problems. I mean, it’s all so coldly economic. Priests aren’t so appealing either.
Does this mean I’m doomed? Resigned to be sad? Maybe.
I feel like there is something staring me right in the face that I’m completely missing — the healing power of universal love or some such. Like the alchemists and occultists of old, all I’m really doing is trying to figure stuff out. But as is suggested by those who’ve come before so many times over, it isn’t in finding an answer that one is made whole. It’s in being satisfied with the process of looking.
And right now that’s just making me sad…
September 3, 2009 at 7:07 am |
The first thing to do is stop digging the hole deeper.
September 4, 2009 at 6:21 pm |
You mean I’m not going to get to China? ;)
September 6, 2009 at 2:43 pm |
*hugs*
September 6, 2009 at 6:30 pm |
;)
September 15, 2009 at 6:15 pm |
There is something to sadness…I used to feel the same. Look to my melancholia for inspiration, for words…”if I can find the right words to describe these feelings then…” Then what? You are still left with these feelings, this sadness…and then you get tired. I too do not believe in medicine. Anti-depressants are scary, it does seem like the whole world wants you to pop pills and feel numb…I like being able to feel so strongly that it hurts…it would just be nice to know what happiness feels like too
Good Luck and know that there is some crazy reason behind life…Let me know if you stumble across any reasons in your “process of looking”.
September 18, 2009 at 3:47 am |
Wow! I am now curious about the sample your friend used to conclude that you were the only adult man she knew who wasn’t on prescription drugs. I know only one man who _is_ on prescription drugs. The rest deal with all that life brings them, as men are stereotypically brought up to believe about themselves (at least you have a well-researched reason).
I think mental health issues including chronic depression are as much medical as social constructivist. But any which way very individually manifest. In similar situations, some people don’t cope, some do admirably. Of the former, smart ones ask for help. But then again evidence shows that talking with friends helps as much as talk-therapy one pays for so blogging it is! ;-)
PS: Yes, stop digging. Also I think you may come out in Russia not China if you didn’t, hopefully not via an oil well.
September 18, 2009 at 11:01 am |
enreal: I’ll be sure to keep you posted of any epiphanies…
Shefaly: Glad to have you comment here again. Been a while. As to the different samples, I can only think that the person who made this comment lives in the US, where prescription drugs are a modern plague. Maybe the approach is different in Britain, cheap drugs notwithstanding. In Canada I suspect things might be somewhere in between…